Sun, 14 Jan 2007 07:01:07 GMT

Next time it occurs to me that going commando in leather pants is a good idea, somebody freakin shoot me.

Tue, 21 Nov 2006 07:53:20 GMT

So, who's bright idea was the freakin' sandpaper?

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
- James Hetfield
- Malcom Young
- James Bond

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
- I've got an awesome car.
- Good taste in music.
- And I can burp the ABCs.

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
- Oh please.
- Don't expect me to answer this.
- ~~I'm shorter than my brother. And my dad. And that sucks.~~

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
- Irish
- English
- American

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
- Having a worldwide shortage of junkfood.
- Finding out that chick I've been banging has a twin sister.
- ~~Sam dying~~ - Girls with shotgun savvy mothers.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
- Car.
- Music.
- ~~Sam~~ Girls. ~~Technically the two are one in the same.~~

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
- Jeans
- Shirt
- Mismatched socks

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS:
- Metallica
- AC/DC
- Kansas

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE ALBUMS:
- Metallica - Black Album
- Thin Lizzy - Renegade
- Foreigner - The Very Best (compilation album)

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
- I watch porn.
- I can write with my toes.
- I've been shot.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
- A foursome.
- Making exploding iron grenades.
- Killing the supernatural nasty before Sammy gets himself choked by it.

THREE THINGS YOU NEED IN A RELATIONSHIP:
- Tits.
- Ass.
- Protected sex.

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
- Figure out what the hell myspace is for.
- Eat salad.
- Cure cancer. But it's coming, baby.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
- ... Listening to music.
- Hustling people.
- ... Flirting counts, right?

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
- Get out of this fucking hotel.
- ~~Figure out how to kill Nusaken~~ Get in the guiness record book. Don't care what for. Most consecutively eaten M&Ms or something.
- ~~... See my family whole and happy.~~ Wax my freakin' car.

THREE JOBS YOU'D CONSIDER DOING OTHER THAN THE ONE YOU HAVE:
- Firefighter.
- Rock star!
- ... Frat boy.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
- Topless beach.
- Transylvania.
- Playboy Mansion.

THREE KID'S NAMES:
- What, like, kids that I know, or names that I'd use for kids?
- ... Uh.
- John.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
- See Sam graduate so I can pants him in front of his classmates.
- ~~Kill that fucking yellow-eyed sonofabitch--~~ See the pyramids.
- ~~Be on Oprah.~~ Uh. I don't have a freakin' clue. Not die? Seems reasonable.

Mon, 13 Nov 2006 08:32:26 GMT

1) Are your parents married or divorced?
Married.

2) Vegetarian?
Dude. Meat exists to be eaten.

3) Heaven?
Exists. Come on, what else do you want me to say?

4) Come close to dying?
Once or twice.

5) What jewelry do you wear?
Silver ring on my right hand. Two bracelets as well, made out of elephant hair (don't freakin' ask) and an Egyptian protection pendant.

6) Are you eating?
When am I not? Uh. I have cheetoes.

7) Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
Dude, I don't eat broccoli. Period.

8) Makeup?
Looks hot on chicks.

9) Virgin?
... Women? Drinks? ... No to both, then.

10) Would you ever have plastic surgery?
Hell no.

11) What do you wear to bed?
Depends on if I'm sharin' a hotel room with my brother. Usually I sleep buck-ass naked.

12) Have you ever done anything illegal?
Credit card fraud, impersonating a priest, impersonating a police officer, impersonating a park ranger, impersonating a Storm Trooper, impersonating a college professor, impersonating a homeland security agent, impersonating Jesus Christ, breaking and entering, assaulting a police officer, assault and battery, murder in the first, aggravated assault, soliciting a prostitute, grand theft auto, arson, grand larceny, carrying concealed firearms without a permit, loitering, parking in a handicapped zone, parking in a loading zone, entering a sealed crime scene, noise pollution violations, speeding, dangerous driving, DUIs, extortion, blackmail, bribery, kidnapping, grave desecration, underage drinking, copyright violations, pulling a fire alarm when there's no fire and STEALING BANDWIDTH. Shame on you. I'm an upstanding member of society. Really.

13) Can you roll your tongue?
Hell yeah. ~~How the hell do you make those little winky-faces...~~ ;)

14) Pluck your eyebrows?
... What. The. Hell.

15) What kind of watch(es) do you wear?
Something that tells the goddamned time.

16) Abortion?
What is this, Oprah? It's a woman's body, let her do what she wants. In the meantime, use condoms.

17) Hair color?
Brown. What the HELL why does this survey keep asking girly questions.

18) Future child's name?
Oh hell, I ain't the father type.

19) Do you snore?
Doubt it. ~~Actually, yes. Sam usually tries to smother me in my sleep.~~

20) If you could go anywhere in the world on a vacation, where would you go?
A nudist colony. If all the women are smokin' and the men are non-existant. And then they make me their king.

21) Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
~~I sleep with a freakin' knife.~~ ... What the hell. No.

22) If you won the lottery, what would you do first?
~~Get Sam back into Stanford~~ - Build a BATCAVE.

23) Gold or silver?
Silver. Useful in more ways than one.

24) Hamburger or hot dog?
... Gotta go with hotdogs. With ketchup and relish and onions and stuff. And gravy, if it's handy.

25) If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would you choose?
M&Ms. The color is variety enough, and chocolate is its own food group.

26) Beach, city, or country?
Depends on what I'm doing where. Beaches have topless girls, cities have bars that have topless girls, and the country has girls with scary relatives. ... Each of these has pros and cons.

27) Who was the last person you touched?
Define 'touched' and get back to me.

28) Where do you eat?
Behind the wheel of my baby.

29) When's the last time you cried?
~~This question offends me on a deep, primordial level.~~ No one's ever asked me that before. I-- I'm so moved. Let's hug. And then cavort through fields of wildflowers. Singing Avril Lavigne.

30) Have you loved somebody so much it makes you cry?
... I'm gonna go with 'Oh hell no' for two hundred, Alex.

31) Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
... Okay, there was this one job, this one time. And we don't talk about it. Ever.

32) Ever been involved with the police?
... Define 'involved' and get back to me.

33) Believe in Santa?
Of course. Who else will bring me porn for Christmas?

34) Do you talk in your sleep?
If I'm sleeping, how the hell should I know?

35) beach or pool
Oh sweetheart, I don't do shorts.

36) Can you cross your eyes?
Uh, yeah?

37) What's your favorite song at the moment?
'Enter Sandman' by Metallica.

38) Window seat or aisle?
Are we talkin' planes, here? 'Cause in that case - NEITHER. I'll drive, thanks.

39) Ever met any famous bands/singers/actors?
I got James Hetfeld's autograph once.

40) Do you feel that you've ever had a truly successful relationship?
... This has gotta be gettin' old, but dude, define 'successful'. ~~If you mean 'got to third base' then yeah, loads of times.~~

41) Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
Neither. I slurp.

42) Rickie Lake or Oprah Winfrey?
What the hell, I don't watch daytime TV. ~~Oprah.~~

43) Would you ever admit to having done plastic surgery of any kind if confronted?
FREAKIN' GIRLY QUESTIONS. I wouldn't get it done in the first freakin' place.

44) How long does your shower last?
Ten minutes, tops. ~~And that's if I gotta clean the pipes.~~

45) Do you drive stick?
My car's an automatic, but I can handle a stick.

46) Cake or ice cream?
Ice cream on cake. And chocolate. Lots of chocolate.

47) Where'd it go?
Where'd -- ... trick question, huh. In that case: Ohio.

48) What time do you get up?
Just before check-out, if I have a choice.

49) Have you ever given money to a bum?
Only if they beat me at poker, darts, pool, or all of the above.

50) When was your first crush?
I was nine. ~~And I'd just watched Elvira: Mistress of the Dark. Oh man, I'd kill for a woman who can take out a zombie with a stilleto heel, man.~~

51) Where do you wish you were?
In my car. On the road. Headed away from the creepy cursed skank hotel.

52) Have you ever broken someone's heart?
...Doubt it. ~~Probably.~~

53) Ever been given a ring?
What, by like, a girl? ... You're kidding, right?

54) Longest relationship?
Three months.

55) Last gift you received:
I don't keep track of that sort of thing.

56) Last sport you played?
'Hide and Seek'. ~~With a Hydra.~~

57). Things you spend a lot of money on?
Bullets. Rock salt. And candy. Lotta candy. And gas, prolly. Love the ol' girl, but she's got a 5.7 litre engine and gas ain't exactly cheap.

58) Where do you live?
No where in particular.

59) High school you attend(ed):
Pick one. I was probably there at one point or another.

60) Last wedding attended:
Never been to a -- oh, wait, I went to a bachlorette party, that count? ~~I was undercover. As a stripper.~~

61) Favorite fast food restaurant:
After two thousand miles on the road, trust me, it all tastes the same.

62) Where do you work:
Out of my car.

63) Can you cook?
If it's in a can, and can be put in a pan, I can cook it. If you mean fancy gourmet shit - what do I look like, a metrosexual posterboy?

64) Most hated food:
Mouldy pizza.

65) Can you sing?
Done kareoke a few times, if that's what you mean.

66) Last concert attended:
INXS, back in '02.

67) Favorite Nonalcoholic drink:
Coffee. Black, and the amount of sugar I put in it depends on how much sleep I've had in the last seventy hours.

68) Favorite Alcoholic drink:
Beer. Whiskey. Pick one.

69) Current Crush?
... Hehehe, 69.

I hate this hotel. Eventually I'm going to set it on fire.

Wed, 01 Nov 2006 05:19:56 GMT

Officially the lamest way to die ever.

Ten bucks says this hotel thing turns out to be a really stupid idea. ~~Not that I'm pointing any fingers, SAM.~~

Voicemail

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 08:19:34 GMT

This is Dean Winchester. If you're calling in regards to a job, drop me some specifics. 'Aaah it's trying to eat my brain' isn't going to cut it this time, man. (But if that sums up your predicament, two words, my friend: flame. thrower.)

Ten points if you sing Metallica.

-beep-

How will you DIE?
Name / Username
You will die	from blood loss
At age	73

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wasted youth is better by far

Voicemail